In less than 24 hours, we will be completing the trip around the world that began in Portland, Oregon over nine months ago. Circumnavigation is a great word, and while 14 countries sounds like a lot, a quick glance at a map reveals that we haven’t really been anywhere, geographically speaking. There’s still nearly all of Asia (China, Russia, India…), major portions of Europe, all of Africa, much of North America (Canada, Alaska, and Mexico) and, for two more weeks at least, all of South America.
With all those places still represented by big question marks in my mind, the best I can say at this point is that our first journey around the world went very well, and the only thing to do once we finally pause at the end of this year is to start planning the second one. This world is simultaneously much better and much worse than most people realize, and the only way to truly appreciate that fact is to see as much of it as possible for oneself.
(We’ll probably start catching up on our time in Europe sometime next week. We have lots to talk about.)
To read Humour With Two “U”s Part 1, click HERE.
Ah, New Zealand. Home of lovely scenery, truly great New World wines, and many of the most sweet and interesting people we’ve met on our whole trip. New Zealand was our very first destination, and as I said at the time, it set the bar very high in terms of providing exactly what we wanted out of our travels.
On our very first night in Auckland, I can recall tuning into see some foreign country television and soon discovering a hilarious documentary about a pair of New Zealanders performing at SXSW in Austin, Texas sometime in 2006. Both of the men were goofy, charming, and acerbic- all qualities we would later come to identify as typical NZ personality traits. After the show was over, I fell into a deep, travel-weary sleep… and promptly forgot about it.
Cut ahead to one week ago. Brianne and I were visiting my dad and younger brother when one of them mentioned a show on HBO and asked if we’d heard of it. They showed us some episodes and we, of course, loved it. But they looked awfully familiar… The name of the show they so adored was Flight of the Conchords, which also happens to be the name of that band I had seen on TV3 all those months ago. It was the same two guys.
The Flight of the Conchords is comprised of Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, and describe themselves as “New Zealand’s fourth most popular folk-parody duo”. In addition to their live performances, they now have the aforementioned (and due to its high quality, soon to be cancelled) TV show which marries a sitcom about trying to make it big in New York City with their creative and hilarious songs.
With Bret playing the straight man and Jemaine the oddball, their stage banter and much of their show is reminiscent of other great comedy duos such as Abbot and Costello and The Smothers Brothers. And all of their humor is bone-dry… no one ever cracks a smile or winks at the camera, and to many Americans this is the same as not delivering a joke at all. But they do, and constantly. Another thing we love about them is just how New Zealand-ey they both are. For instance, Jemaine could totally pass for (Valli winemaker) Grant Taylor’s younger brother, and there’s an interview floating around where Bret offers to let people stay with him or his friends if they ever visit NZ. The interviewer chuckles at the suggestion, but my experience with Kiwis tells me that he probably wasn’t joking about that.
The duo has claimed several times in concerts and interviews that the Folk-Parody genre is really “blowing up”, and with the release of their EP on Sub-Pop Records next week, his claim might actually become a reality. If I could play guitar better I’d absolutely start a FOTC cover band and start chasing them up the charts. I’ve heard of Art imitating Life, but The Flight of the Conchords are something special: Jokes imitating Art, and in many cases more creatively than the music being parodied.
LINKS & VIDEOS
Official Band Website
Great FOTC Fan Website
HBO’s Official Show Site - Check out Episode 3’s “Hip-Hopopotamus vs. The Rhymenocerous”, Episode 4’s “If You’re Into It” and “Sello Tape”, Episode 6’s… actually, just watch all the clips on there.
More Show Clips:
I’m Not Crying “…these aren’t tears of sadness ’cause you’re leaving me, I’ve just been cutting onions for a lasagna… for one.”
Beautiful Girl “…let’s get in a cab, I’ll buy you a kebab.”
HBO’s One Night Stand Clips (In Order of Performance):
Jenny “How is that guy, anyway?” “She’s good.”
Think About It, Think Think About It “”
Business Time “Girl… tonight we’re going to make love. You know how I know? ‘Cause it’s Wednesday.”
Hiphopapotamus v Rhymenocerous “There ain’t no party like my nana’s tea party… hi, ho.”
Albi “…which as we all know, turn into jellybeans!”
She’s So Hot, Boom! “You like boom, and I like boom, enough small boom let’s boom tha boomah!”
…and then of course there’s something for the ladies.
from the fishin boats at Dingle to the shores at Dunehea
I miss the River Shannon and the folks at Skibbereen
the moorlands and meadows and their Forty Shades of Green
But most of all I miss a girl in Tipperary town
and most of all I miss her lips as soft as eiderdown
I long again to see and do the things we´ve done and seen
where the breeze is sweet as shalimar and there´s Forty Shades of Green
I wish that I could spend an hour at Dublin´s churning suft
I long to watch the farmers drain the bogs and spade the turf
to see again the thatching of the straw the women clean
I´d walk from Cork to Larne to see those Forty Shades of Green
But most of all I miss a girl in Tipperary town
and most of all I miss her lips as soft as eiderdown
I long again to see and do the things we´ve done and seen
where the breeze is sweet as shalimar and there´s Forty Shades of Green
-Johnny Cash, Forty Shades of Green
So far, Ireland has been exactly what we expected- lush, cold, windy, with landscapes that look like a great (green-paned) stained glass window, and cozy pubs serving dark beer and hearty food by friendly people. We’ve been spending our time here walking around rocky coastlines and tiny fishing towns, choosing, as ususal, to see more in less places than less in more places.
We’re having trouble getting our heads around the fact that we’ll be stepping back on U.S. soil only week from now, but we’re also very much looking forward to seeing family and friends again.
Also, I take back what I said earlier about Guinness, but with a qualifier. In Ireland, and only in Ireland, is it a beer worth drinking regularly, and only then when it’s on tap. The way it settles from cream to black with a nice tan head at the top is like a magic trick. Though for my money, Wolaver’s Organic Oatmeal Stout is just about the best dark beer ever, and we’ll have a chance to try that on tap at the brewery in Vermont in, oh, about two weeks from now. So returning to the states does have some benefits.
slàn leat! (”farewell” in Gaelic)
After arriving in Brussels from Naples, we found accomodations at a hotel run by an Indian guy who seemed quite pleased when we told him how delicious his dinner smelled. Spain, Italy, Slovenia and Croatia each have many merits, but true multiculturalism is not one of them. After checking in, Brianne and I were thrilled to find several areas of town bursting with authentic Thai, Vietnamese, Middle eastern and African cuisine, and we had dinner at a Thai place run by a man from Chiang Mai who knew we meant when we order both our Pad Kra Preaw and Red Curry Beef “Extra Spicy.” It was fantastic.
On the way there we passed a gorgeous old cathedral that was turning gold in the sunset, and our arrival to the Grand Palace was like something out of a dream- a large square of buildings that seem to show every one of their 400 years, except that all of them are partially gilded in fresh gold leaf.
On our way back to our hotel that first night we passed a beer shop that boasted over 400 different Belgium beers. We ducked inside for a look and then stumbled around in awe the variety that we found there.
Belgium is one of the rare places in the world where beer is taken as seriously as it deserves to be. Britain and Ireland may take pub culture and beer consumption seriously, but the craft itself leaves much to be desired. Belgium is in another league entirely. Tellingly, the country doesn’t even bother making wine. It’s all about the beer.
While making our preliminary selections, I noticed a shady looking character hanging out by the entrance of the store. I watched as he nonchalantly grabbed a $25 gift box of three bottles of Chimay and a beautiful gold rimmed chalice and then walked out the door with it. I followed. The man was about 50 years old, short with ruddy skin and a balding pate.
As the man walked towards the square I paced him closely. When I called, “Hey!” his pace quickened, and so did mine. Finally he turned, saw me, and stopped walking. Since I speak neither Flemish nor French, I simply pointed back at the store and shook my head no. He gestured a little bit as if to say, “What? I’m just going over there?”, but when I pointed more insistently he shrugged and then gently handed the box to me as though giving me a wedding present. The man walked off and I headed back to Brianne in the beer shop smiling at the idea of a drunk old man on a stoop, swilling fantastic beer from a gold rimmed glass. I was a little sorry for ruining his night, but when you start stealing from monks, you’re really got a problem.
About that: Belgium has five Trappist Abbeys that make beer, and they have gained a reputation as some of the finest beer in the world. Some of them only sell their beer at the monestery, and do not increase supply to meet (growing) demand. Their existence is one of the main reasons we found ourselves in Belgium.
The beer shop clerk thanked me profusely for my improvised theft prevention, but it didn’t earn me any discount. We left with ten bottles worth of new experiences and a growing supply of anticip…ation.
Our first night in Brussels ended with a beer tasting back in our room. As much as I would love to include beer notes in all these posts, I’ve decided to save them all for later. However, we’ve had not a single disappointment so far, and we’re leaving Belgium in two days so odds are the place will still be batting 1.000 when we do.
***
The following day we set out to explore more of the city and experience all that Brussels and Belgium is famous for.
With the help of a wonderful Use-It??? map, we walked around with a decidedly non-touristy agenda and really got a sense of what the city is all about.
We had coffee and plotted our route at a café in a cool covered plaza before walking through narrow restaurant lined streets and ending up back at the Grand Palace (all roads lead to it, it seems) before looking around some junk shops and having a great lunch of peanut soup, spring rolls, and organic beer at local vegan restaurant.
Then we walked through the spend Louse district, gawked at overpriced clothes and housewares, and snagged free samples of arguably the best chocolatier in Belgium (and that’s saying a lot), MXXX.
In the afternoon we found Pelle Melle, a huge moldering used bookstore and ended up sorting through the paperback English literature section and ended up with 11 new old books to read for a cost of about $7.
Before dinner we held a second impressive beer tasting and then went out for roast chicken kebabs at a cheap restaurant nearby, and then worked on some travel arrangements at an internet café. In the last week we’ve purchased tickets for five flights, and are now booked as far as Argentina on August 13th. I don’t like thinking about it, but only one more pair of tickets remains to be bought- the tickets home.
***
The following morning we got up early and went straight to Brussels large daily flea market. It opens at 4 a.m., so by the time we got there it was in full swing- crazy people yelling, bad musicians playing, and old ladies haggling. In addition to wanting to see it, we were also on a mission- I’d managed to once again lose our corkscrew, and decided to find a replacement among the epherema of the flea market.
While we were there we saw a lot of great stuff- tea sets, sabres, this photograph…
…and a lot of crap, too. I had my pick of several corkscrews, some with horn handles, some with complicated mechanics, and one with the screw attached to a piece of a tree, but I knew that when I saw it, it would jump right out at me. This Bakelite handled swiss army knife was just the ticket.
The vendor drove a hard bargain, but he was no match for my Vietnam-honed haggling abilities. I ended up getting it for only €3.
After that we returned to our hotel, gathered our things and hiked back to the train station. It was a quick but strategic visit, and I wasn’t worried. I knew for sure that we would be returning.
Why am I so sure? Because I’m moving there, that’s why.
***
We had only been in Brussels for a few hours when I knew, like I recognized my own reflection in the mirror, that someday, somehow, for some amount of time, I would call the city home.
We’ve been to hundreds of places over the last several months, and many more before that, but never, ever did it seem so clear to me that my future was tied to any of them. And the thing is, it’s not any one thing that convinced me… but it seems to me now that our travels have been an extended version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears- this place was too hot, that one too boring, but Brussels… just right.
The only other city we’ve visited that I really liked was Melbourne, and that was just because of how much it felt like Portland. But Brussels is something else entirely. To quote one man, “Brussels isn’t a city, it’s a state of mind.” Who would have thought that state of mind and my own would have been so similar? Its climate, its culture, its mixture of old and new… everything just felt right about the place. Brianne felt it too.
Long story short, I’m moving to Brussels. All the long term planning in the world is no match one honest-to-goodness vision of the future, and that’s what exactly what I had while I was there.
